Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Thank You for your "Pea" Prayers

If you haven't heard...

Can you believe it? After this long Journey of waiting our first pea is on it's way. I would really like to take a few minutes and say a huge THANK YOU to everyone who has been with us on this journey. After a season of barrenness God has said it is time for our first baby here on Earth.

The whole thing is quite surreal, and just now starting to sink in. For me personally, I have been pretty unemotional the entire pregnancy. I am excited, however, I think after two back to back miscarriages it is hard to attach emotionally to something that may not come to pass. Up until now that's all Robert and I have known. Although, I am confident that God will complete this good work in us!

 There are so many things I've learned in our journey, that I can truly still say in my heart 'I wouldn't trade it"! There are two moments that stand in my mind. The first was in January. At our First Wednesday service at church Pastor Greg was challenging us to pray specific and persistent prayers. Obviously on my heart was our peas. I really had stopped praying for a baby, because I didn't want the disappointment of God saying "no". I fully trusted God with my family's future but I wasn't in a place to give fervent prayer to it. I felt the Lord say, "you haven't even asked me for your baby"... I think the jaw of my heart dropped because I knew He was right. Everything in me thought, Lord I just can't. Then I felt a challenge from Him..."ask me for your  baby". In this moment of prayer I felt the Lord reveal to me that this baby would be an example of God answering the combined prayers of the church. How often do I make my need known with a humble heart? When the body comes together and asks God for something won't He answer? I felt the Lord saying this would be one of those times when He would answer a prayer because His people came together for a cause and asked. This was profound for me, but I didn't really know what to do with the promise I felt I'd received. So I just prayed.

Fast forward to the second moment, the beginning of April. Some sweet ladies at our church decided to come together and fast for "April in April", honestly when I heard I probably had a sarcastic laugh in my mind and I told my friend...."we already fasted and I didn't get pregnant". I didn't think it was a waste, but I just thought there was so much expectation and pressure to it. However, I didn't want to be ungrateful for the prayers or interfere with what God was doing so I said go ahead, however I stayed out of the whole thing. I trusted God, I was just weary of waiting and praying. It's almost like I needed a closer for the 9th inning of the game. I see that now...and I am reminded, that is what God's family is for, to help each other in the season of weakness and trial. There wasn't anything that anyone could "do" to bring the peas, except for pray. I think that makes it a sweeter story because now our God gets all the glory for the miracle.

So....as you can guess, we did get pregnant! Actually in the end of March, and I truly believe it was the prayers of these sisters  along with the prayers of so many of you who have been praying since last spring that got us through the season. I know this is an answer to the promise God showed me in January. The power of God's people coming together in prayer for a purpose. Now we are all rejoicing in this sweet baby to come, but for me even more, I'm reminded of the power of our prayers. The question I am asking myself is, why do we not more often make our needs known to our church family? Why don't we ask others to come together in prayer seeking the Lord for our answer? Do we not believe the scripture that says?: And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son.14 You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it. -John 14:13-14
I'm not saying that everyone who asks God for a baby will conceive, but it was in the prayers that God made my heart right with him. One of the sweetest parts of this journey was surrendering my heart to him in the area of adoption, if that is God's story for us, he knows that now I welcome it...four months ago that was the last thing I would have said yes to. God is able to do things greater than we can ask or imagine, for me one of those was changing my heart on adoption and truly surrendering my family plans to him.

As a church body, I think we can improve our practice of banding together in prayer for specific causes. Surely the prayers of 30 are more powerful than the prayers of one. It's like if you have 5 kids and one is asking you for a trampoline...you're not sure because they are pricey and can be dangerous, but what if all 5 of your kids are constantly asking you for this trampoline begging, Mom, Dad please??? we love you so  much, you're the best parents we'll be safe we promise...and so on. Surely the heart of the parent will be swayed by the combined asking of all of her children. Just as I believe our Father can have a swayed heart when all of His children come together and ask for something in His sweet name.

I want to ask you all to come together in prayer again for some friends of ours who are on a similar journey of waiting for their family as we have been. You can just call them, "the Knight's friends", God knows who we're praying for. My prayer is that, As the Lord has done for us He would do for them. I will be sure to keep y'all updated on their journey when the Lord answers our prayer for them. Let's come together and ask God for a healthy baby for them in Jesus name.

Thank you all again for your "Pea Prayers". Words cannot express the gratitude and love in our hearts for all of you who have prayed so hard for us. Surely, our sweet babe will be a world changer for the Kingdom of God.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

In Ma' Studio

So I have been blessed with this sweet new studio space at #1445bexley which I have some mixed emotions about. On the one hand I am very excited to have my own space, uninterrupted where I can work. I have dreamed about having a space like this for years, a studio where I can be creative and not have to clean up after myself mid-project so that we can eat dinner at the table where I am working. I would say that this is a dream that most artists have...so why I am not jazzed to move in and get organized and start with the masterpiece making.

This question I cannot answer in full. I can answer one part of the question...the part about organization, I'm actually not a great organizer if you hadn't guessed, that is why God gave me Robert. He has done the only organizing in this space so far. And he's always saying..."I need to get your studio organized", what a blessing he is!! Another thing I can't quite get a handle on is...why can't I get some creative inspiration on how I want my space to look design wise? I LOVE design and decorating, I mean my house is cute y'all...why can't I tackle this little space!? All I keep thinking about is which way I want my work table to face, and in case you are wondering, I haven't even decided yet.
this is my...I'm scared to work in here face.

So here I sit at this crossroad, just wasting this great space sort wondering why i can't get it together....I will say that as I type this I am sitting in this studio space listening to my Ingrid Michaelson Pandora mix. I am forcing myself in here....So why this pickle?

If I evaluate myself as an artist, I really do care about "where" I'm creating more than "what" I'm creating. For example, I don't actually like coffee that much but I always want a full cup and saucer at my work table for the effect, am I crazy?  If you've ever been over here when I'm working it's always a big mess at the dining room table. It feels right...and that's where I've done almost all my work since we've been here at #1445bexley. So that's where I always want to be working. I think that is one piece of the puzzle. The other part may be this weight that I feel when I hear the word "studio". When I hear studio I automatically think of a great space with lots of beautiful work in it. Artists come to mind who are accomplished and have earned this space in which to create. Maybe in my mind I don't think I have earned this space, or that now I have to be this accomplished well known artist. Should my work improve since my space has improved? Shouldn't I have a professionally done website and a polished blog post three times a week? Not to mention lots of sales and new listings on Etsy?

Sigh......I'm exhausted already. Y'all I don't have an answer for myself? But have you ever felt this way as an artist? Honestly If I were you reading this I would probably think, "Well, I'M sorry that you have this great space full of supplies and you can't get your stuff together...I would love to have my own studio space or just space to store all my supplies, stop whining"!  I know I need to get my stuff together, let's get with it April. So I will pray on it, and try to be more productive on the studio piece. Just being real and sharing the frustrations of the craft. Jesus take the wheel!